When I began college, I thought I knew who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, and how I wanted to do it. I devised a three-four year plan that would ultimately guide me seamlessly to my goals. I wanted to be a large-animal veterinarian. When I graduated from high school, I knew a few things 1) I was academically talented, 2) I loved working on the ranch, and, 3) I loved my family. So, working as a veterinarian in a rural area seemed like next step for me.
Then I studied abroad. It made me question myself and my beliefs. It affirmed some of my values and shattered some of my ideals. I learned about hardship, consequences, prejudice, crime, love, distance, perseverance, confidence, and true friendship. I went there thinking I would see the world, and came back realizing that what I had really seen was more of my true self. And frankly, I was confused.
What started as a five-month-long quest to see the world, change my life, and expand my horizons, has turned into an eighteen month struggle of self-discovery. While I'm still passionately pursuing that struggle, there is one thing I know: my heart has never been touched more than it has been since November.
In November, I was hired as a Residential Advisor Substitute for a company in Manhattan, Kansas that provides residential services to persons with developmental disabilities. Each person is unique in his or her own person-hood, and faces unique challenges in day-to-day life. When I first started, I didn't really know what to expect, and even going in without expectations, I was still surprised. I was surprised about the lessons I learned from working with the "disabled."
1) You can't fix people. A lot of people begin working in this field with the idea that you can somehow cure a person of their disability, or can work a miracle that will totally alter this persons life. While the love that you can share with a person that has a disability can be a life-altering miracle, you won't fix them. Why? Because they don't need to be "fixed."
2) You teach people how to treat you. When I first started working with the clients, I had to show them how I expect to be treated. For some, that was me telling them that it wasn't alright for them to punch, kick, or shove me. For others, it was making it clear that cursing wouldn't be tolerated. It was easy for me to forgive them of these things, because we are all people, and are all learning. But that led me to another thought. I need to teach all people how to treat me! Why is it so easy for me to tell a client that he or she should treat me differently, but so difficult for me to confront a supervisor about inappropriate behavior?
3) If someone is treating you poorly, it is because they don't know better. I'm guilty of taking everything personally. Whether it's a supervisor being short with me on the phone, or a teacher giving me a bad grade, or some dumb high school kid bullying me. Working with these beautiful people showed me that we are all in different stages of learning, and some people just haven't learned how to treat others.
4) You have to make yourself uncomfortable. Sometimes when I was working with very low-functioning people, I felt guilty. I felt embarrassed. I felt uncomfortable. I felt frustrated. I felt sad. I felt so many things. But these people need others to care for them, and I'm glad that I was able to contribute for only a short while. And I'm guessing that my level of discomfort was nothing compared to what some people have to endure every single day.
5) People are people. Something stressed was this phrase that goes "person first, then the disability." Let's face it, we all have disabilities. For some people, it's not knowing how to treat others politely. For others, it's being restricted by a level of physical fitness or an ailment. One of my disabilities is severe fear of judgement and a need of approval from others. So when I look at a person, whether they have a disability or not, I try to meet their soul. I try to hear their thoughts. I try to learn who they are as a person. I haven't perfected it yet, but it's something I'm working on.
6) Integrity is who you are when no one's looking. Many people act differently depending on who they're around, and I know that I have been guilty of this one too. Having integrity becomes especially important when working with those who are blind, deaf, or mute. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, even if they aren't able to call you out on your actions, so you have to hold yourself accountable.
7) Love people. We have to love each other no matter our faults. And it's a lot easier to deal with someone if you have a loving heart.
I've been blessed to have had such a wonderful job. When people asked me what I do, I was always pleased with their reactions. The conversation would go something like this:
Them: Where do you work?
Me: *Insert company name here*
Them: What do you do there?
Me: I'm a residential advisor, but basically I work with people with developmental disabilities and assist them in leading their lives and learning to live an independent lifestyle.
Them: Wow that's great! or You have a great personality for that! or I couldn't do that.
And I'm still pleased by the compliments. I like to think that I worked well with the clients. I like to think that others know I have a heart for service, and the patience and love it takes to work with those who have disabilities. However, I'm saddened by the last response: "I couldn't do that." Because everyone can do that. Everyone should do that in day-to-day life. We should all freely give our services to those less fortunate. I honestly believe that God gave each of us a talent, and our talents are designed to add to a beautiful and wonderful world that we can all enjoy.
I guess I don't know how to close this, as it's difficult for me to see this particular chapter of my life end. I've made great friendships with the clients, and learned so many lessons from them. So since I'm not sure how to close this, I leave with this verse I've been thinking on:
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