There you have it.
Sometimes, due to whatever limitations (time, money, will-power, whatever) I need help. And I hate it. If I could do everything completely on my own (except for make chocolate chip pancakes--Ty's way better at that) and never have to rely on or trust anyone else, I would be completely and totally happy and my world would be completely and totally in my control.
Ha. Like anything could ever be completely and totally in anyone's control. As far as I know, that's God's job, and he seems to do a pretty good job of it.
Okay, enough of all the jibber-jabber. I'll get to the point. Over the last few weeks, a lot has been out of my control, and I've needed help. From having the strength to support Tucker through all of this, moving to Stillwater from Denver/Sharon Springs/Wallace/Nashville/Manhattan, to starting grad school, to cleaning out the apartment Mom and Tucker shared, I've needed a lot of support.
I don't want to go all Jehovah's Witness on you, but I have to say this: I've never believed more in God than I have over he last few weeks. Through every second I've felt His presence, strength, and love, and I know I couldn't have made it through this without Him. I can't even begin to describe the countless miracles he's worked for Tucker and my family. Through every painful, terrifying, saddening moment, He's been my rock.
Leaving Tucker in the hospital was so hard. I know he's well taken care of by the doctors, nurses, techs, Mom (who's been with him every day since I left) and Dad (who's been with him almost as much). At the same time, it's hard not being there to sit by him and tell him how much I love him. It's excruciating not being able to look over at him and see that he's still alive, still breathing. I miss talking with him and getting caught up on TV shows with him. I'm tearing up just typing this.
Starting grad school was hard. I've already got my days/times confused and accidentally missed a class... that I have with the professor who decides whether or not I get my assistantship next semester. Hopefully he'll understand. He was very helpful in getting me scheduled so I'll have four days off from school a week to travel to Denver.
This weekend, another test. I offered to go to Manhattan and finish cleaning out Mom and Tuck's apartment because I'm the closest, and I have a few friends in town who I hoped would help. I texted two people: an old classmate (Derek), and my first college room mate, Madison. Like the wonderful people they are, they both immediately agreed to do whatever they could to help.
A little back story: Madison and I met on this social networking site for K-State students looking for room mates, and I swear it was like dating. We had the nervous first "meeting," talked for a few months before trying anything, and we were both trying to work up the courage to ask each other to live together. Luckily, Madison had some lady-balls and asked me. We were only room mates for six months before Ty and I moved in together, but it was a great six months! :)
Anyway, it was looking like it was going to be a horrible weekend. About an hour into the trip, Papi--who never gets carsick--starts vomiting. So I pull over and have to clean up sick-smelling doggy barf in below-freezing weather. Of course, shortly after I finish cleaning that up and get to driving 65 mph he starts barfing again... Needless to say, I'm hoping I can get the vehicle I borrowed smelling better before I return it.
Poor, sick Papi.
Then, the apartment was locked, so I had to hang out in the pukey car until the landlord came by to unlock the apartment for me.
In retrospect, I'm not sure an excuse not
to clean was such a terrible thing.
Derek met me in Manhattan after he got off of work on Friday, which is amazing considering he works in construction doing hard labor. We got started cleaning and made a good dent in the apartment. Cleaning wears me out, so I needed FOOD. We went to IHOP, and he paid. Grr. I even tried the whole "my husband's going to get mad about another man buying me dinner" card, but it didn't work.
Also, in an act of supreme kindness,
he left some B-E-A-utiful selfies
on my phone...
I'd been planning on sleeping in the apartment, and had even brought an air mattress and blankets, but Derek said I could stay at the house he shares with some room mates. I got to thinking that it might be hard to sleep in the place where Ty and I used to live with Tucker and decided to take him up on the offer. Long story short, a nice room mate of his gave up his room and slept on the couch so I could have a room to myself.
We got up bright and early (8:30 AM) the next morning and started cleaning.
I wore my gram's bright tie-dye shirt.
I think she was onto something with
the bright colors.
Derek had to leave for a prior engagement and Madison (who'd worked a 2-10 the night before) came to help just before he left. I think we spent about half the time cleaning and half the time catching up on everything we'd missed since we'd seen each other last.
I feel like this quote applies to these two gems.
We went out for lunch at Chilis, came back and cleaned some more, and then agreed to meet up later to go out on the town AKA Aggieville. Derek agreed to come too. The plan was to have a couple of beers, relax, and do some swing dancing.
But this quote is also startlingly accurate.
As is this one. I'll have you know that I only almost-face planted
three times while attempting to swing dance. And I have to admit
that Madison and Derek are a lot better dancers than I am. Pre-
and post-wine.
After a few hours of marching around Aggieville, we decided it was time to go home and we walked in 0 degree weather to Madison's house. After nearly losing a cell phone to the toilet, and sliding down some stairs (everyone's okay!) we played some cards and went to bed. It was one of the funnest nights I've had in a long time, and I definitely needed it.
Madison and me. Fun fact: we didn't take
a picture together for the whole six months
we were room mates. Had to make up for
some lost time.
Madison and Derek. So thankful for these two.
After far too little sleep, we got up, got some McDonald's breakfast, and I went to mass. Ironically, mass was about the wedding at Cana where Jesus turned the water into wine. The priest gave a nice homily about how Jesus's love is always more than enough.
I went to the apartment after that to do some last-minute cleaning, and Derek came to pick up his cleaning supplies that he'd generously loaned for the job. I looked around the apartment one last time, and officially said goodbye to that part of my life.
Life is constantly changing and a new chapter of life has began for all of my family. Our priorities are different, our future plans are different, our outlooks on life are different, our lives are different.
So we're obviously getting near the end of this post, and you're probably wondering about the title. Well, there's two reasons for that. 1) Because I thought it'd make people read this. (sorry not sorry ;) and 2) Because we need to think twice about burning bridges. Myself especially. You might be thinking that it's liberating to clear people out of your life, but think again. What are they going through? Are they going to need you? Will you need them? Because who knows, someday you might be asking some version of "Who's going to help me clean out this apartment?"
This "daily odd compliment" isn't so odd after all.
Oh, and in case you were wondering. Papi's doing better.
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