A morning in the mind of an over-thinker

Some people are confident in their decisions. They go through life, content with the way it's going and willing to accept things the way they are.

And then there's people like me. Who have to question every. single. thing. and analyze every. single. situation. 

7:00 AM: Wake up. Wonder what kind of day it's going to be. Wonder if I forgot to do anything the night before. Wonder if anything happened the night before. Check Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Pinterest/Email to find out.

7:15 AM: Get out of bed, try to pick out an outfit for the day. Wonder what the weather's going to be like. Wonder who I'm going to see. Wonder if the outfit looks too casual. Wonder if the outfit isn't casual enough. Wonder if I wore the same outfit too recently. Wonder if I should wear the other clothes that I have. Change outfits... more than once. Decide this one is probably good.

7:30 AM: Go to the bathroom to get ready. Get face ready for makeup. Wonder if any pimples developed. Wonder if anti-acne makeup actually causes pimples. Wonder if anti-acne makeup is part of an evil marketing plan. Remember something stupid I said three years ago. Wonder how girls ever get their eyeliner even. Wonder whether people with contacts get sick more often than people without contacts.

7:45 AM: Wash hands of makeup. Remember some article I read when I was a kid that claimed vigorous hand drying kills more germs than air drying.

7:47 AM: Start doing hair. Remember a chemistry lesson about chemical bonds in hair that cause it to be curly. Wonder if anyone will be able to tell that I haven't washed my hair today. Wonder what people think about people who don't wash their hair.

8:15 AM: Finished getting dressed and ready. Wonder how much perfume is too much perfume. Wonder if I'll come into contact with someone with a perfume allergy. Remember reading somewhere that midwives can't wear perfume because pregnant women are extra sensitive to smells. Wonder if I'll hate my perfume when I'm pregnant.

8:18 AM: Try to decide what to have for breakfast. Remember reading somewhere that people need to have protein within an hour of waking up. Wonder if cheese counts as a protein. Wonder whether I can make scrambled eggs in the microwave. Wonder if I put onions in the scrambled eggs if my breath will smell like onions all day. Think how disgusting onions and toothpaste would be together. Mentally invent an onion breath breathalyzer machine.

8:23 AM: Decide to have a sweet potato with cheese. Decide cheese is a protein. Start putting school supplies in backpack. Wonder what homework I've forgotten. Think about what I'm going to say in class during discussion time. Plan something witty, intelligent, interesting, relevant, and funny.

8:35 AM: Eat sweet potato. Wonder what I'll change into if I get food on my shirt. Think about a time I had food on my shirt and was embarrassed. Think about how I can't wear white. Wonder how anyone is able to wear white without making an absolute mess.

8:45 AM: Finish eating sweet potato and put it in the sink. Think about how much I'll hate washing dishes later. Wonder if that questionable noodle soaking in a dirty pot is actually a parasitic worm. Mentally compare parasitic worms to the children's toys that expand in water.

8:47 AM: Walk to get my backpack and coat. Wonder if I'm going to be late to school. Wonder what I would say if I was in fact late.

8:49 AM: Leave the house to walk to school. Put music on my phone and put headphones on. Wonder if I'd be able to hear someone creeping up on me with my headphones on. Resolve to turn the volume down. Think about people who run into stuff while texting and walking at the same time. Laugh. Wonder if I look like a crazy person.

8:55 AM: Start thinking about who's going to be in the office when I get there. Wonder what I will say to them when I get there. Think of ways to convey genuine interest in them without making small talk.

9:00 AM: Start planning out the day. Make a list of goals and eagerly anticipate checking them off the list.


Two hours in the life of an over-thinker! And half of that has to be bottled up, because, really who else would understand the connection between scrambled eggs and an onion-breath breathalyzer. PLEASE tell me I'm not alone!