Everything was so different in Prague, I mean, they didn't even have Velveeta or Sonic milk shakes. The grocery stores were small and lacked options, the clothes I bought fit weird, Czechs annoyed me with their stand-offish nature, and our campus was so small it was laughable. So why, then, I ask you do I feel more uncomfortable and out of place in a place I've spent years than a place I only stayed at five months? Well isn't that the million-dollar question.
When you leave for study abroad everyone is telling you to take in all the culture you can, embrace it without judgement, meet new people, and learn as much as possible. But after you go, they kind of leave you high and dry, or... The dreaded question.
"How does it feel to be back?"
Well, when most people ask that, they want you to say some variation of, "While I had the time of my life and made the most of my time abroad, I'm incredibly glad to be back and couldn't be happier." And that's true, partially, at least for me.
I am glad to be back (kind of), I did have the time of my life, and I did make the most of my time, but I'm not really happy. Actually, I feel how I felt my first month abroad times about ten. In Prague I took classes with Masters or PHd students; they were the best friends I had made in my whole life. In Prague I ALWAYS saw someone I knew on my way to class. In Prague I NEVER had to eat lunch alone because I almost always got included in one group or another. If I wanted to, I could bring a blanket out to the grass on campus with a bottle of wine and read a book. No one cared, in fact on a nice day there were probably about fifty students doing the same thing. My college professors taught me facts and kept their opinions to themselves. On weekends, there was always a pub to go to, a friend to eat lunch with, and some musician playing music. People didn't have a lot, but people didn't need a lot.
It is nice to be back. I can eat the foods I missed, see my family face to face, and sleep in a bed that doesn't resemble a couch cushion. That's great. There's nothing I love more than the views in Western Kansas right now, I missed them. But there's so much that I miss from my time abroad.
In Europe, or Costa Rica, the "ice bucket challenge" would be an outrage. They are so conservative of resources they don't even leave the showers on while they soap themselves up so they can save water. Water is valuable, and they know it. Now, every other post on my timeline is people pouring fresh ICE water over their heads. Sometimes not even over plants that can use the water, and a lot of the time using WAY more water than is necessary. (I'm looking at you, people who are using full loader buckets.) People are so eager here to waste things or not use them to their fullest potential, and when I confronted someone about wasting water they became belligerent and told me it's okay to waste water because at least people are giving money. Is that what it's come down to? We're okay with wasting our precious resources to get donations, but people get angry about farmers irrigating to produce food? This is just one example.
I won't even elaborate about my trips to Walmart. Talk about overstimulation.
I also never expected for people to care so little about my semester abroad. Sure, people ask, but how do you share the most amazing six months of your life in passing conversation? So many things remind me of my semester abroad, but I know how annoying it is to hear "When I was in Europe...." over and over again, so I try not to bring it up constantly. All I can do is pray for the opportunity for someone to ask and then I'm left disappointed because the other person gets bored or there simply isn't enough time. Sometimes I fear that if I wait too long to talk about things I'll forget them, and I don't want that either.
I miss all of the wonderful friends I made. I miss going to the PUB and attempting to pour my own draft of Pilsner. I can't even explain the longing I'm feeling for a cake from Giraffe Creperie.
While I am so glad I grew up where I did, and I AM proud to be an American, I miss the culture and people I became so fond of. I know this experience has made me look more critically at my own opinions, and I hope that as the days pass, I can somehow stop feeling like a tourist in my own country.
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