16 and Pregnant

A girl's sitting in the bathroom. She's sixteen. She has hair cut into the latest style framing her face. Earlier that week she was talking with her friends about the latest celeb crush. Now she blinks her eyes several times because she can't believe what she just saw. But clear as day, there it is, those little pink lines, or the smiley face, or whatever it is that gives you an 18-life sentence of parenthood. She's scared to death. There is a small human growing inside of her body that she helped a young man create. What will her parents think? What will her boyfriend/fling/one night stand think? What will her friends think? What will her teachers in school think? What will her boss think? Will they treat her the same? Will she be able to keep a job? Will she be able to provide for the needs of a young, helpless, needy child? Will she be able to fulfill her own needs? How can she do that and finish school? Can her body handle the upcoming months? Can her mind?

A girl's sitting in the bathroom, staring at a small pregnancy test. She is pregnant.

As our country has evolved, teen pregnancy has become taboo. Think of several popular shows over the last 5-10 years: Juno, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 16 and Pregnant, The Pregnancy Pact, Teen Mom (1 & 2) to name a few. There have been mixed reactions about these shows, however, much of what I've heard about these shows from others has been negative or downright hateful.

Now that I'm married, and out of my teen years, I've thought a lot about what it means to be pregnant. Frankly, the thought of it somehow inspires, scares, disgusts (can we just not think about the whole delivery part?), and awes me all at the same time. Even so, any child entrusted to Ty and me by God would be an absolute gift that I would cherish.

So what inspired all of this commentary? A post I saw online that went something like this:

Jane Doe: "Happy 20th birthday to me! Guess who wasn't a teenager and pregnant."

More than one of my Facebook friends made this post, especially around the time when Teen Mom was getting popular.

So I have to ask these people who condemn teen mothers:
What did you do that was so spectacular? Did you take your birth control pill at the same time every day at the risk of your health? Did you make sure to buy condoms at Walmart? Did you use mirena, or nuvaring, or whatever intrauterine device that is sure to be the topic of some type of lawsuit in a few years? Well, unless you abstained from sex until you were 20 years old, you haven't accomplished anything over a teen mother.

Teen parents have just gotten caught doing something that many other teens were doing.

Let that sink in.

In fact, teen parents have accomplished much more. They've felt and given one of God's most precious gifts: life. They've had to make decisions more difficult than many of us have dreamed of. They've been forced to consider someone's destiny other than their own. Their decisions have made them sacrifice. And, ultimately, their decisions led them to experience a parent's love from a entirely new perspective.

Is this situation ideal? I don't think so. Can it be avoided? Definitely. Do they deserve to be looked down upon/pitied/judged/one-upped/subjected to negative comments from others who also partook in teenaged sex? Absolutely not.

So next time you know of someone young who's starting a family, try to support them and encourage life, instead of demeaning it.

FOMO....

FOMO.

I hadn't heard of this abbreviation until a few weeks ago, when instead of studying for finals (as I should have been doing) I was cruising the Internet, hopping from one web-article to another, in the hopes of finding something that would spark my interest more than developmental biology had thus far. Surprisingly, it wasn't been that difficult to find something less soul crushing, which is how I landed on an article about FOMO.

Fear
Of
Missing
Out

Fear is a large part of my life. I get vaccinated because I'm afraid of contracting a deadly (preventable) disease. I wear my seat belt, because I'm afraid of being terribly injured in a car accident. I study, partially, because I am afraid of failure. I was afraid to change which career to pursue because I worried about what family would think, or whether my first degree would be a waste. While I'm convinced that I'm in many ways somewhat of an oddity, I have to wonder how many people experience the same fear-driven desires.

This distracting article was titled "7 Reasons to Say 'no' to FOMO" so I clicked on it, to learn more... and to procrastinate studying. It said that "FOMO is the leading contributor to leading an inauthentic life."

Let that sink in... "an inauthentic life." I let the article stay open on my computer for a couple of weeks while I pondered it.

And, because I'm still thinking about what it means to me personally about my life being authentic, I'm going to share the seven reasons:
1) FOMO promotes inauthenticity
2) FOMO makes you prioritize activities over people
3) FOMO is expensive
4) FOMO makes us feel not good enough
5) FOMO promotes self-destructive behavior (impulsive actions)
6) FOMO fuels Social-Media Addiction
7) FOMO is exhausting

And I'll add this eight reason:
8) FOMO promotes "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence syndrome"

Something I'm coming to realize (late, I know) is that lives are like snowflakes: no two are identical. It's ridiculous for me to look at another person and think that his or her life is somehow better than mine. As my good (but scarce) pal, Ben Franklin said, "The only things that are sure in life are death and taxes." So, if that is the case, why have we envisioned certain benchmarks that somehow make for a happy life? (Think huge wedding, marriage, babies, college, career, travel etc.) While these benchmarks are common, they are by no means unique to a happy life (I think). So instead of being worried about missing out, we should be worried about living authentically.

We should be worried about creating and sustaining meaningful relationships, improving ourselves in whichever ways we see fit, growing into more moral and kind people, and investing in a divine relationship with God. So, instead of doing something because you're afraid of missing out, or you're jealous that another person had that experience, say no to FOMO, and do something that makes you better, do something that makes you holy, do something to show other human beings that they are loved and that they are greater than FOMO.



Read the article here.

ConGRADulations!

Hey everyone, it's Ty. In this post I hope to convey to you how my graduation was the best out everyone else's. I know it was because family, even though they can be stressful, will always come through and give you more than you have ever asked for.

Friday evening, before the grad ceremonies, we had a party that was set up by Brian, Tami, and Jennifer and they did a fantastic job. We spent the evening eating great sandwiches w/ chips, pickles, and ice cream cake. There was more than enough food and friends to go around. I really enjoyed their company until they decided to point out he FLAWS on my face!!! ;) It was okay, we all can't be perfect and there was no way anyone could knock me down because I was ending the culmination of about 5 years of work, counting dual credit classes. At the end, we had finally decided that our family meshed pretty well and everything went swimmingly. One last tidbit, we owe that guy at the front front desk a debt of gratitude for going above and beyond.

Some pictures of the people we need to thank for the great party:

My Mom and step-dad Brian with me taking a wonderful picture after graduation. 

Kelsie's Mom and Dad, Jennifer and Dalton 

Kelsie and I have been at K-State, together, for two and a half years and yes, we survived living together thus far (even though it might be a toss-up who will strike first ;). We have tried our hardest, graduated with a high GPA, a lot of work experience, and trips that will leave a permanent etch within our cultural awareness and lives in general. Kelsie did a lot more than me and gained honors that made her, in my opinion, number one out everyone in her class.

Her ears were burning! Here she is afterwards in those nice shoes with the very
prestigious purple and white "cords" signifying honors.

Our family made it down for the weekend and witnessed both ceremonies...what a bunch of troopers. I told them thank you for coming because I probably would have went crazy sitting there for almost FIVE hours! All the families that sat through a ceremony should be commended because it was very long, and somewhat difficult to stay awake through. How we did it on a basically empty stomach, I will never believe. However, I think it was completely worth it because of the atmosphere of being recognized by my peers, professors, and administration made me feel recognized and the family presence afterwards made me feel blessed.

Kelsie with Grandma Hoss, she traveled down with Savannah and we are very
thankful they made it.

Kelsie, my dad David, and I all posing after graduation.

After having a famished family, still recovering from the anxiety of almost not getting the gown to Kelsie on time, we departed for supper. This is where we had no real plan and made no reservations for our very large group at Cracker Barrel. This was something I really need to think about when it comes to planning but everything went okay in the end. We had a great meal and there were no real big surprises. We had a few laughs about losing at the game that's located on every table. I assume that it is called "tee'd off" because that game can be frustrating. I think the best part was seeing everyone so happy to finally receive sustenance and go home way too full. When we got there, we had been given one more chance to sit down and talk about old times and enjoy a few more hours together.

I would also like to end on thanking everyone for the wonderful gifts and cards. They were very sweet and thoughtful. We will try and send out thank you letters soon, if you don't receive one, it probably got lost in the mail. We love you all and thank you for coming to our Graduation if you did. Lastly, I would like thank Wayne Talbot for attending and Larry and Ellen for the wonderful card.

We will try and update you on our plans with the next posts and remember that you can turn to us if you ever need any help and we will try our hardest to accommodate.

Please check out these other photos too!

Kelsie walking across the stage (without falling ;)

This picture including a very special person, Kim, she graced us with her presence
and very thankful she made it along with my Dad.

Thanks for reading!

Working Hard or Hardly Working

Since the birth of the wild, Wild West, cattlemen and their families gathered each year to work the new lot of calves. These calves range from a few weeks to months old. On May 2^nd 2015 the Hoss family and about twenty friends and neighbors gathered for the annual branding.

In the past, brandings were a small, family affair where Waldo, Margaret, their seven children, and a couple of locals would labor until the lot of calves was finished. Now, while some of the traditions remain, the branding has become a time for work and play to mingle and for children to gain an atypical education while playing in the dirt.

The group gathers around seven or eight in the morning, and those skilled on horseback saddle up and ride into the pasture to gather the herd. Gathering the herd can take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or more depending on whether the cattle are spread out or not and the skill of the cowboy. Sometimes a calf will stray from the herd, and will need to be roped, restrained, and brought to the corral in the bed of a pickup.

Rod is one of the cowboys involved in gathering the herd and roping the calves.

Those not involved in gathering the herd have other tasks to prepare. Calves are given vaccinations to protect them against diseases, so someone brings the cooler full of vaccines and prepares the syringes by loading the liquid and setting the dosage. Another person will busy him or herself readying the fire. The fire needs to be steady enough not to be a huge distraction during the main event, and to keep the irons hot enough to quickly brand the calves. Because much of the work is done on the ground, someone might walk through the pen to make sure that there aren't any dangerous objects lying around that could injure the calves or the workers. (This is usually a job given to the children, because they inevitably find a way to turn it into a game whereas it would be tedious and annoying for the adults!) And, of course, someone needs to round up the “beverages” because what is an event where you mix knives, fire, random debris, thousand pound animals, children, and strapping young men and women without alcohol? Obviously this job goes to the person with the highest investment in the beverages, aka the village drunk. Typically there’s a cooler full of pop and water for the kids though, because the village drunk is also considerate. Everyone else busies themselves with conversation while drinking their morning coffee from a travel mug.

Kelsie and Dakota are keeping busy by catching up.

Dustin goes to the nearest water source to get a bucket ready for the pre mountain oysters.

Ted is standing in front of the fire pit. It is lifted off the ground to help aerate the fire. There is a hole cut into the side of the barrel where the irons are inserted into the heart of the fire. The arms of the irons extend out of the fire onto a wire ledge where they can be gathered. The brander must wear leather gloves like Ted is wearing to protect his or her hands from the heat.

Bellering cattle signal the nearing of the herd and the cowboys bringing them to the pen. All of the aforementioned workers and chatters hop to their feet and walk to the pen in anticipation of the upcoming events. One person opens the gate for the herd and moves around on foot to help bring the herd into the pen. Once all of the animals are gathered, the gate clangs shut signifying the beginning of the next step: sorting.

The mother cows must be separated from their offspring in order to make the work easier. Many times the dams are very protective of their calves and attack people that appear to be threatening. Moving the cows away also prevents the corral from becoming too crowded. Sorting requires a finesse that is learned from years of practice and coaching from experienced elders. The sorters must move slowly enough as to not induce stress in the animals, but quickly enough to ensure that the animals don’t turn back and reenter the pen. They must stay a proper distance from the cows, but it is best to be up close against the calves so they are unable to generate a strong kick. Depending on the pen size one to four people collaborate to let the cows exit and keep the calves in one area. One person stands by the gate to serve as insurance in case a calf makes it past the sorters.

Ty and Dalton Hoss wade through the sorted calves.

Once the cows have been sorted off, the real fun begins. The newly separated pairs bellow loudly, making speaking difficult without shouting. One or two people give directions to the rest and the jobs are divvied up. Again, depending on pen size one or two people hop on a horse and begin to rope and drag the calves to the workers. Several people line up in anticipation of the roped calves. These people are typically younger and spritely; they must throw the calf to the ground, and hold the calf still while the calf is given shots, castrated if the calf is a bull, branded, tagged if it has not been tagged yet and sometimes dehorned. Throwing the calf requires practice as well, and if a person isn't careful, injury could easily be the result. (Ask one unfortunate ex-boyfriend with a scar on his lip where a nasty cut and six stitches used to be.)

This image shows a roper preparing to rope a calf.

A roper gets the rope around the back leg of a calf. From this point, the horse will drag the calf about ten to twenty feet where it will be worked. It is ideal for the lasso to encompass both hind legs, but one hind leg will do. Ropers should never rope the front legs, which could result in injury of the calf.

The first thrower grabs the front leg and the back flank of the calf, and in a smooth, quick motion, pulls the calf onto its side while the second person pulls on the rope to assist the efforts of the first thrower. 

Jace (the man in a white cowboy hat) is the "first thrower" and Dalton D. (the man in brown) is the "second thrower.

Once the calf is on the ground, the first thrower kneels onto the calves neck and side, straddling its front leg, all the while keeping a tight grip on the front leg so the calf can’t gain leverage to kick or stand up.

Dalton Hoss (though not so young but still spritely) exemplifies proper form. He has the calf's leg bent back and held up. The calf in this position will not cause itself or the first thrower injury. 

The second person must scurry to the ground the moment the calf’s side lands. This is the most dangerous job, as the calf possesses most of its strength in the hind legs. Once on the ground, the second thrower keeps a tight grip on the highest hind leg, and uses his or her left foot to push the calf’s other leg forward. This separation prevents the calf from gaining leverage and helps keep the thrower and the other workers from getting kicked. The thrower’s right foot gets pressed against the calf’s anus, so if the calf defecates, it won’t cause a huge mess for the workers. Once they've settled onto the ground, the second thrower removes the rope from the calf’s hind legs, and the roper gathers the rope up in preparation for the next calf.

Dalton D. has a secure grip on the calf. This will keep the calf, him and the first thrower safe, as well as others who will be working on the calf.

The difficult task of caring for one calf has only just begun. The Hoss brothers both have brands that are registered, so that other cattlemen can recognize the calves as belonging to the Hosses. These brands must appear a certain way and in a certain area. For both men’s cattle, the brand must appear on the calf’s right hip. If the calf was not situated on the right side, the throwers must carefully re-position the calf without letting it go or being kicked, again a skill that requires practice.

Ty and Jordan carefully roll the calf onto its other side so that its right hip will be facing up.

     Once the calf is ready, the first thrower looks to the ear tag and yells out the color: “White!” “Yellow!” or “Red!” White tagged calves belong to Dalton and receive the HϞ brand. Red or yellow tagged calves are Wyatt’s and are branded with a WH. The two brothers raise the cattle together, so it is crucial that the calves receive the correct tag and brand.

The person manning the fire and the brands pulls out the correct brands and places the hot irons on the calf’s side. This is painful for the calf, and proves an especially trying time for the throwers. To achieve a clear brand, the calf must remain still, and the brander must be steady handed with the irons. The hotter the iron is, the faster the branding goes. 

Wyatt Hoss carefully leans over the calf in order to place a good brand on its side. Foul smelling smoke wafts over the workers, saturating their clothes with the smell of burnt hair and skin.

Meanwhile, a person with two syringes loaded with two different vaccines delivers the vaccination subcutaneously under the arm that the first thrower holds up.

The young man here carefully delivers two vaccines. This is done with the utmost care so the workers aren't in danger of being accidentally pricked.

 If the calf is a bull, another person arrives to castrate. The person in charge of castrating wields a pocket knife or scalpel. 

He or she squats down, cuts off a small portion of the bull’s scrotum and then removes both testicles. Once the testicles are removed, the area is sanitized with a disinfectant spray. The testicles are then brought to a bucket where they are saved for later on. 

Kelsie is mid-castration. In one hand you can see the knife and one testicle. She has the disinfectant spray tucked under her arm. At all times, she must be ready to step back if the calf gets out of control of either thrower. This process is quick and usually lasts anywhere from twenty seconds to a minute.

Once the calf has been “worked” the throwers stand up and release the calf. The second thrower must be especially careful during the release.

At any given time, a calf might be surrounded by upwards of five people, and there might be two or three calves being worked at the same time depending on the amount and ambition of the workers. 

This calf is concurrently being branded, given shots, and held down. 

At times there is a surplus of help, and people are left observing. Other times there is a shortage of workers.

Working cattle is physically demanding, and people trade jobs throughout the day to get a variety and to take a break. 

Once the day is done, the calves are released back to their mothers, and the socializing hits full swing.

The workers sit back on the fence, and enjoy a cold beverage prior to departing for supper.

 The workers gather in Wyatt’s house around what’s left of the beer and a good meal consisting of lots of protein and little vegetables (unless you count jalapeño poppers cooked over a fire, cheese-filled potatoes, or the hops used to make the beer). The workers share laughs over the mishaps of the day, talk about whatever strikes their fancy, and revel in the feeling one gets after a hard day of work and the satisfaction of a job well done.

Thanks for reading! 

Ode to mothers.

You laughed.
You cheered.
You smiled.

You showered love on your wonderful child.

You cried.
You sighed.
You wondered why.

To say it was easy would be a lie.

But now that we're gone, and on our own,
we comfort in the knowledge that we're not alone.
For behind us we know, though we may not see,
is a beautiful mother looking on;
her heart full of love,
and her eyes full of glee.

Thank to to all mothers for all that you do!
Special loving wishes to:
Jennifer Hoss, Tami McClellan, Margaret Hoss, Mary Beth Stelting, Mary Howard

Maybe I'll have the title done by the end...

By Ty Stelting

So lately, I have been at a loss for what to talk about so let's talk about something I am great at, procrastination. Something that I picked up from my mother...I am so great at procrastinating that it is hard to believe that I get anything finished. I am currently writing this blog because I do not want to do the things that I need to do.

What is the deal with procrastinating? Why do I purposefully make sure that I do everything at the last second? Well I could look at it in the psychological sense of Organizational Behavior

Where first time group members meet and actually get stuff done is halfway there but...seniors in college have gotten so great at this skill of "waiting until the last second" that this model above is now a complicated and scientific waste of time. 

Now WHY do I do this to myself...???

Maybe it's the fact that we think the pressure is fun and we enjoy getting stuff done just at the right moment. That would be ludicrous...

Let's look back at the model, maybe the more confident we are the closer that transition period where we actually complete stuff gets closer to the completion date. So it's confidence! 

No......If I was so confident, then I wouldn't be stressing all the way to finals week. Worried about my educational career and think that my life is over the second I get a C on a test. 

Why!!! The anger and stress that comes from procrastination should be the reason why we shouldn't wait to do something that we NEED to do tonight...I mean! In the near future. 

I think my final answer can be found somewhere in role conflict.

Do I feel like being a student four three hours...or do I feel like being a great husband by cooking supper, going on a date, and walking the dog. These priorities seem to be the things that come first. Priorities of being a Star Wars, Once Upon a Time, and Last Man on Earth fan come before being a student but only up to a point....

Solution...there is none, if you procrastinate and never fail at finishing something that has dire consequences,  you will always wait until the last possible moment. I guess we'll see if someone creates a magical drug or system that makes you be on time. But until the end the title of this blog post is "Critical Ratios and Student Consistency blah blah...who cares...?" 

An obviously objective oddball observation of typical sayings regarding high school, college.

Once I started high school, I was constantly reminded that high school is supposed to be the best time of your life. "You'll make great friends," they said. "You won't have the kind of responsibilities that you will later on," they said. "You will have fun," they said... Well, to put it succinctly, I'm still waiting on all of that. And frankly, if high school was supposed to be the best years of my life, that would have been incredibly sad, and I wouldn't have had much to look forward to.

Fastforward four years to high school graduation.

"Okay, actually, college will be the best time of your life," they said. "College is way better than high school," they said. "You'll make your best friend for life," they said. Well, three years, one marriage, five organizations, 124 credit hours, 13 countries, five part-time jobs, and one language later, I'm still questioning the validity of those statements.

College will be the best time of your life: Well, I've had good times, and I've had some really difficult times. I'd say some highlights were marrying Ty, getting straight A's, being honored as "Chancellor of the Year" in a national honors fraternity, and studying abroad. But, there have also been really difficult times. Obviously, it doesn't do well to dwell on those, and no one wants to hear about impending student debt, losing an advisor, sleepless nights, crying breakdowns in another advisor's office, yelling at the registrar, unreturned emails, and personal problems, so I'm just going to skip right on past that. ;) IF these are the best times of your life, what's the point? What's the point in working so hard if nothing will get better? 

College is way better than high school: Can't argue that. Not even a little. The only thing I miss a little is having enough free money to dye my hair every now and then. Other than that, I love it. The freedom that comes with knowing that you are the only person responsible for yourself is amazing. I know that what happens to me (and my husband) will be a direct result of my actions... That's great! So, take that, proverbial "they!" High school wasn't the best time of my life! (Catholic time: "Thanks be to God!")

You'll make your best friend for life: Well, I made that friend in high school, his name's Ty, but usually I call him "husband" or some sickeningly sweet pet name like "behbeh cakes," "honey bear," or occasionally some choice expletives, depending on the mood! Don't get me wrong. I made other best friends, but they're an ocean (or a Facebook message) away.

Upon examination of the ups and downs, college has been a pretty even mix. You should be impressed that I was able to objectively say that, because this is how I'm feeling about college right now:

This has been one of those weeks that's driven me to sincerely consider having a mental breakdown. I probably would if it weren't for the fact that I have absolutely no time for one! Let's hope that after this week, my cortisol levels will drop, I'll have a more positive outlook, have more time to dedicate to my mental health, and.... have a college degree! 

And after that... Well, I'll be looking forward to even more "best years of my life."