The Danger of the Romance Novel

Have you ever read a really good book? The kind where you become a character in the story. Like you can hear, smell, see, and touch the surroundings described to you in the pages? What about a romance novel? Have you been swept off your feet by a brave and daring knight? Or have you been charmed by that awkward kid in braces who eventually grows into a handsome man with an equally dazzling personality? Have you been the girl no one noticed, finally matched with that perfect soul mate who gives you the ultimate combination of intrigue and comfort?

I have.

In fact, romance novels and romantic comedies have always been my book or movie of choice. It’s almost impossible to leave the theater feeling happy after watching a movie like Crazy Stupid Love or When Harry Met Sally, or even the Notebook. A romantic story is adventurous, brave, hope-inducing, and almost always has a happy ending… what’s so wrong with that? I hadn’t given it much thought until I heard this question. “What is porn for women?” Porn is a great divider in many marriages—and let’s face it—is predominantly geared towards men. Men are visual creatures, and because of this, easily fall into the trap of sexy women in a visual fantasy designed for male pleasure. But what do women get off on? Women are emotional beings. We desire deeper connections and relationships. We want to care and be cared for. So the answer to the previous questions is, “The romance novel.” This has been demonstrated by the astounding popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s not like EL James is some prodigal author. The only thing the author has done is play to our culture, and some of our misguided desires.

Our culture views marriage through distorted lenses. If you disagree with me, please feel free to reference the 40 to 50% divorce rate in the United States. Children are taught the wonders of marriage from early on. Every single popular princess story involves a beautiful girl getting married to a prince and living “happily ever after.” Children are taught that getting married to that one perfect man that will satisfy each of their longings. We’re told don’t get married young because your twenties are for being selfish. We’re taught that if it doesn’t work out with someone you can simply divorce them and look for the new solution (a man) to your problem. What we should be telling children is that there is no such thing as a “soul mate.”

Each and every one of us is flawed. There is no way that two flawed people can come together to form a perfect union. It is impossible. God is the only one who can join a couple in a perfect union. This means that He is the most important aspect of marriage. When we recognize we can’t build a “perfect” marriage on our own, it’s much easier to love our spouses for the people they are, instead of the people we wish they could be, or the perfect men they could be as depicted by a novel.

When we read a novel, part of it takes hold in our hearts. We see a man perform a grand gesture, and we think, “Why can’t my husband do that?” Or we hear of a friend’s husband who always brings home flowers, and we think, “Hey, some flowers would be nice.” This hurts us and our marriages. It hurts our future spouses, because they have a fictional character to live up to, and they don’t even know it.

So put those romance novels down. Because even though having someone to do dishes with doesn’t sound good on paper, it makes for a hell of a good life.

Rewarding Children for Participation

"It takes a village to raise a child," that's how the saying goes. And since it takes a village, the village all thinks they can have a say about how to raise children. I've read countless blogs, articles, social media posts all dedicated to raising the perfect child who will never talk back and will not grow up to be a little you-know-what. "Don't spoil them!" they say. "Don't give them too much sugar!" they say. "Don't let them eat GMOs!" they say... and God forbid, "Don't give them medals just for participating!"

Just for a minute, I want to take a second to think back a few years ago to my experience in high school and junior high sports. As a student athlete, I was never bad at sports, but I was never great either. Just like the majority of other students, I went to practice for an hour or more at least five days a week, bought the team tshirt, had my parents make snacks to bring to tournaments, went to all the games whether I was allowed to play or not. Sports was at least a part time job in junior high and seemed like a full-time job in high school. Many times, it was a thankless, overrated, tiring, draining, and depressing job. Other times, I had some of the most fun times I've ever had. So, what was the purpose of all of this?

Athletics, and other extracurricular activities are supposed to be fun. They foster teamwork, team spirit, humility (supposedly), work ethic, and most importantly: life-long health and fitness. So if athletics are so fun and healthy, why are so many children overweight? Why are many kids opting out of participating in sports, or choosing to specialize in only one sport?

In junior high, I ran the 2-mile. Since I was the only one dumb enough to participate at such a young age, I usually got a top-three place at the meet, and was rewarded for my placing... not because I was wonderful at it, but because I was brave enough to train, and eventually race in front of onlookers. In high school, I ran the two mile, and came in dead last every time. What did I get? A pity clap from a few parents at the end of a greuling 17 minutes and 9 seconds, a pat on my back from a coach who had other athletes to attend to, and sore muscles. Guess how long I ran the 2-mile in high school. I raced and performed to the best of my abilities, but myself and the other average, hardworking students saw others excel almost effortlessly. They had natural talent, and were probably working just as hard as we were, but they got all of the glory, and all of the rewards.

Someday, God willing, I will have children of my own, and for that I am scared to death. I am afraid that one day, my child might decide he likes tennis, but be discouraged because he isn't a star athelete. I'm afraid my girl will love to cheerlead, but won't make the cut because she's a little heavy, or doesn't have the right last name. I'm afraid that my children might give up on fun team sports because they were taught that you should only be rewarded for winning, and not for hard work.

It's great to excel at something and to pursue that, but it's even greater to try and maybe even fail at something. I can't imagine something that takes more courage than a young kid trying something that they might not be good at, working hard to improve, and showcasing their effort in front of a society that only cares about you if you win. That is bravery, and that deserves to be rewarded.

College--Where have all the manners gone?

Students are paying more than ever to go to college. In fact, the average rate of tuition in the US has almost tripled since 1980. So with this unwarranted (and by unwarranted, I mean the price has increased faster than the rate of inflation, with little or no improvement in the quality of college education) rise in tuition, my immediate thought is that students would value the item they are buying (education) now more than ever. Surprisingly that doesn't seem to be the case; only 59% of students who started college full time, finished a degree within six years. Why is this? Is college more difficult? Is it because most students are having their parents pay for at least some of their education?

So what does this along with a general decline in American morals and standards mean for the typical college classroom? Well, it means students feel entitled to respect from their professors, without needing to give any respect in return. It means we feel we pay enough to be able to do whatever we want whenever we want. It means, we don't care what we do, because we didn't make the personal investment and therefor won't treasure our education as much as if we had paid for it ourselves. It means... we need to learn a few things about how to act in a college classroom.

1) It is not okay to wear your hat indoors; I'm talking to you, guy in the ten gallon cowboy hat in front of me, blocking my view of the whiteboard.
2) No, you should not chew Copenhagen in class.
3) For that matter, you should not spit your nasty Copenhagen spit into your old Mountain Dew bottle.
4) Yes, your talking to your friends is distracting everyone around you, even if it's a whisper.
5) Leaving your headphones in so you can only halfway pay attention to the lecture is not polite! Especially when you leave "Baby Got Back" on loud enough for the person sitting next to you to hear it.
6) Sitting on the outside of the aisle when there are still plenty of empty seats in the middle of the row is not okay... unless you like having everyone's butt in your face as they climb over you to get to an empty seat.
7) Contrary to popular belief, you shouldn't wear what your wore to bed to class. And yes, we can tell that those crumpled, paint-stained sweat pants are sleep-worthy and comfortable, but your professor dressed up and you owe the same respect.
8) Don't put your dirty shoes on the chair in front of you; someone has to sit there. Classroom does not equal living room!
9) Just because you're allowed to text, doesn't mean that you should.
10) Bullying, gossip, and talking behind someones back didn't suddenly become okay.


There are a lot of great things about my generation... we can turn on a computer without asking for help for one! But, as I'm sitting in class with all of the "bright minds of the future" around me, I have to wonder... where have all the manners gone?... and how can we get them back?

Color-Blind

Why am I so angry?

I'm not angry because some people judge me because of my skin tone. I'm not angry because some people judge me based on my weight. I'm not angry because some people judge me based on my marital status/age. I'm not angry because some people judge me because I'm a woman. I'm not even angry that I can't eat ice cream without getting fat.

I'm angry because society is taking away my color-blindness.

For those of you who interpret things literally, no, I do not see only gray. I see only people. Lately in the news we've been besieged with stories about a young man's death. Michael Brown, from Ferguson, Missouri was shot by a police officer, resulting in his death. Since the tragic incident, I've seen numerous headlines on national papers, K-State's college paper, and Facebook about his death. The hashtag "#ameriKKKa" was even thrown around several times. This was all coming from people angry that he was shot. They weren't angry that a young man was dead. They weren't angry that a young boy was tangled up in crime. They were angry because a white cop shot an unarmed black boy.

(For anyone who disagrees, did you see the national outrage about this case on your Facebook timeline? Or this case? Did you see looting, did you see Barack Obama give a speech about it?)

In light of this situation, there are several things we all need to understand.

1) Racism, or "color vision" is not born, it's created.
When was the last time you've seen a little kid refuse to play with someone because of their skin color? They might not play with another kid because the other kid is smelly, isn't nice, doesn't have the same sense of humor, and so on, but I've never seen a kid--unprompted by adults--say they didn't like another kid because of their color. Children are products of their upbringing. If they are raised to be prejudiced against others for whatever reason, they will be prejudiced against others for whatever reason.

2) Prejudice is not only exercised because of skin color.
People are judged for various reasons. It is not unique to be judged. It is not unique to have someone make an opinion about you because of the way you look. I can guarantee that someone will have an opinion on you for the way you look, dress, act, talk, marry, walk, believe, and so on.

3) Some people are prejudiced.
No one is all good, or all bad. Each of us has undesirable traits that we need to work on. Some people are genuinely racist for whatever reason, and this is WRONG. There's no two ways about it. If you are racist, you are wrong. But, it is also wrong to dislike someone for being fat. I've been made fun of, called names, and have had judgement made about me for my weight. That is not okay either. My point is, there are people everywhere who will find a reason not to like you. Some of these people may have more power than others (like police officers). Yes, police officers are people too. There are police officers who are racist, and there are police officers who are color-blind. They exert more power over society. That does not mean that people are being unfairly represented. It means, that some police officers are downright crappy. (Sorry for the language!) I know that I've probably gotten out of some tickets because I'm a young women, and some men have gotten stuck with some tickets because they're men. Is that okay? Why isn't that a problem? Isn't that a prejudice?

4) Racism can go both ways.
When I'm looking through scholarships, I'm unable to apply for many of them. It's not because I'm unqualified. It's not because I don't have financial need. It's because I'm white. Let me tell you, that feels pretty crappy. My husband experiences even more of this as a white man. He misses out on the scholarships that you can only apply for as a woman. Didn't Martin Luther King Jr. say he wanted people judged on the content of their character? So then, why is it that I can't join a black fraternity or sorority? Why can't I join the black student union? Why can't I apply for black/Hispanic/Asian scholarships? These things should be based on merit and need. Instances such as these only promote color-vision. They don't promote improvement or innovation in society; they take away from it. Personally, I want someone who really needs a scholarship getting it. If someone has better grades, more extracurricular involvement, more need, and more obstacles, I hope they get it, but it can never be fair with this system.

5) Talking about race only spreads racism.

I feel guilty for writing this article. Why? Because when you read this--I'm talking about you Mom and Dad!--you've thought about your skin color. You've thought about the skin colors of others. You've thought about black and white and fat and skinny and male and female. Have you thought about "human?" Have you thought about how horrible it would be for the family of a young boy to lose their son? Have you thought of how terrible it must be for people to feel bullied because of something they have absolutely no control over? Maybe. Maybe not. The less we talk and think about race, the less we talk about the exterior, and the more we start to see people.

I am a person. I am kind, impatient, intelligent, ambitious, opinionated, outspoken, thoughtful, among so many other things. This is how I want to be viewed, and this is how I want to view others. Don't be ashamed of being white or black or yellow or red or brown; don't even think about it! I will not apologize for being white, or so called white-privilege, because for me, it doesn't exist. You are you, fearfully and wonderfully made. I owe it to you and to myself to love like Christ did: unconditionally, so I will fight to remain color-blind despite all this garbage the media is feeding me.

I choose MY choice

In today's society, there are a few pretty basic decisions every person will hit in their life if they live until old age.

1) Should I graduate from high school?
2) Should I go to college?
3) If I go to college what will I major in?
4) If I major in that, where will I work?
5) If I decide to work in that field where will I live?
6) If I live there how will that affect my family?
7) Will I get married?
8) If I get married will I have children?
9) If I have children how will I raise them?
10) Where will I live to have my children go to school?
11) When will I retire?
12) If I retire how will I pay for it?
13) Where will I retire.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, but I think it covers some of the big ones. The main thing I'm trying to show is how much of that list happens before you're 25. In my life, I've already had to make decisions on about half of that list. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. The pressure  is insane. It's difficult enough to wonder if you're pleasing yourself, another thing all together if you're taking into consideration the opinion of family or friends--as most of us do.

One person I really admire in this regard is my brother, Dakota. Dakota is so intelligent that he can excel at anything he tries, he's also such a gifted artist that he could easily become a professional. All of us (his family) expected him to go to college, but he said he wasn't interested. We tried to persuade him. He still said no. He wanted to take time to just relax after the rigor of high school. So, he got a job. He is providing for himself. He is a hard worker, and his boss loves having him as an employee. I'm proud of him for that. He stood by what he thought was best for him while everyone else was telling him to do the opposite. Now, it is my time to take a leaf out of Dakota's book.

I started college majoring in animal sciences with the hopes of becoming a large animal veterinarian. I love working with cattle and I assumed this major would utilize my intelligence to its maximum potential while still allowing me to do something I love. I excelled in my first year and a half of college. With a 4.0, campus involvement, and undergraduate research, I was practically guaranteed admission to vet school. But I started feeling a nudge pulling me away from vet school. So, I thought, okay, I really liked AI (artificial insemination). I'll go to school for animal reproduction. Still science. Still cattle. The last semester before I studied abroad, I took animal A&P. I appreciated that class and it's challenges more than any class I have taken as an undergraduate. What really caught my attention was studying the nervous system, particularly when we spoke about how it affects mood and can relate to psychiatric disorders. This was quite a leap from reproduction, but still doable. Many vet schools offer masters degrees in neuroscience. That's a good path for me, I thought. My life was turned upside down when I studied abroad.

The six months I spent in other countries truly affected me in a very deep and meaningful way. I'm not sure whether the experience changed me, or forced me to accept myself as I really am. The longer I spent abroad, the less interested I became in the academic path I was on. By the time I returned to the US, I had no idea what job I wanted to pursue. As a planner, it was very difficult for me not to have a plan. So, I started looking for one.

A couple of weeks ago, after hours of Googling, I found it. A feeling came over me... it was a good feeling of relief as well as purpose. The career I found was "Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse." I feel it fits my personality and skills well, and Ty agrees.

What does this mean for us?

Well, I'll graduate in May with a Bachelors of Science in Animal Sciences and Industry (and honestly, people are technically animals). After graduation, I will start in an accelerated BSN (Bachelors of Science in Nursing) program that will take anywhere for a year to fifteen months to complete. K-State doesn't have a nursing program, so we will have to relocate. Ty will continue his classes online. My fingers are crossed that Tucker will still want to live with us once we move. :)

Making a decisions like this--a change really--is scary. It will affect both my husband and I for the rest of our lives. When changing majors after a bachelors degree, it's easy to feel like I wasted three years of my life on an education I won't use. I have to keep reminding myself that this time in my life has been extremely valuable. I've learned more about animals that I love, I was married, I study abroad, and had so many opportunities through the college of agriculture that I might not have had in another program. Also, I was lucky enough to (finally) discover what I currently think is my calling in life.

Did I get mugged?

This morning, I woke up with a sore, stiff body. I rolled my shoulders and heard a few cracks. I stretched my aching back. I looked down at my arms to see a few bruises... Did I get mugged?

Or did I have the time of my life playing volleyball?

This week has been a really tough week for Ty and I, especially me. I have been busy every night after school with activities or homework, and Ty has been studying, and working diligently as a sales intern. Add to that the stress of an impending graduation and working out, you have a nervous breakdown waiting to happen!

Friday night was a really special night for me. Over the summer I was awarded a scholarship from CHS through the Department of  Agriculture Economics at K-State. To honor the other students who received awards and myself, Farm Bureau in Manhattan, KS hosted a banquet. How boring, right? We all know these things can drag out, have bad food, and even worse jokes. But, I actually had a lot of fun. Both Tucker and Ty came with me and between the lame jokes, we made even lamer ones. Plus, we got to have some pretty great pie.

I mean, who can dislike a K-State Cheese Cake?

The banquet ended at 7:30. Afterwards a man came to speak with me and asked me which "Hoss I belonged to." Apparently he knew my grandpa and told me what great people the Hosses are. That made me really happy.

So, with a belly full of catered food and a smile on my face, I got to thinking about what could make that night better. Tucker told me it was more ice cream, and he tested the theory. haha. But, I thought volleyball! It's by far my favorite sport. Ty and I called up one of our friends we met in Prague, and the three of us went to the Rec.

Usually there's a bunch of people playing games of volleyball and if you ask nicely they'll let you join in on the game. When we went there were three other girls there playing already. They were students at the vet school, really great at volleyball, and very friendly. They asked us to play with them. Soon, three guys showed up and asked to join. Before we knew it, we had five on four and the game was really fun. We played a few matches without keeping score before the first few girls had to get back home to study.

Before hardly any time had passed at all, three more people joined us; two guys and one girl. We were back to where we started. One girl kept score during that game, but to the rest of us, it didn't matter. We were playing a game for fun, score or no score. Time flew by, and before we knew it, it was eleven o'clock. (AKA, wayyyyyy past bedtime!) 

I'm hoping we'll be able to make time for something like this again, and find such wonderful people to play volleyball with, but my body is disagreeing!

Minimum Wage

By: Ty Stelting

When I think of minimum wage, I think of jumping off point or starting off easy. When I think of fast food or gas station attendant, I think of "how can I move on?"

Imagine a world where you could go and do dishes in the back of a restaurant and get $12.50/hr in western Kansas. Life is easy and this job takes the skill of working a dishwasher. It was a two day training and you need nothing else but that. Your boss can no longer give you raises but that's okay, you can afford things that you couldn't before. This goes on for a month and start to realize that the food at the restaurant is getting more expensive. In fact, you notice everything is getting more expensive. Soon enough you're back to where you started and all your friends start complaining with you that this pay isn't enough either. You start to think..."I dropped out of college for this job?" "I have a car I can no longer afford?" "Why are they cutting my hours?" "All my favorite little stores aren't hiring me and the restaurant went out of business." Why is employment so hard to find? How come the welfare system isn't giving me more than before?

Well here are the reasons. We now have a surplus of unskilled laborers in the world who expect more than before. The restaurant will not cut into their already slim profits to accommodate the new wages. They have to charge more for their food to spread their wage accrual. Taxes are higher because employers are obligated to pay a percentage not a fixed amount. Employers will work more hours by themselves to cut taxes. They cut your hours and work everyday. Stress to raise prices lowers demand and they lose money below the amount of their variable costs. It would have been cheaper to not sell anything or even open the building. The restaurant shuts down along with three other businesses. The only places to stay open are those people who had senior workers or workers who were already close to that high minimum wage. They aren't hiring on trainees and will not be needing any more help. You are out of the job, along with your other friends. Life is no longer easy for you. The government has to pay their workers more to match inflation and cut into welfare. They manage to keep it at the same level but inflation has caused your expenses to skyrocket.

The market then later stabilizes and now instead of a dollar menu there is $3.50 menu with miniburgers that taste even more like cheap animal product.

We notice the highest rise in inflation and crap is just more expensive. Skilled labor is still more desirable and everything...is...the....same.

What did we gain from raising minimum wage everywhere?...
Nothing.
A lesson in economics maybe.

I want to give you the people who are like..."it works in big cities Ty, why can't it work everywhere?"

First of all, it isn't working in big cities.
Lets just say I move to Seattle where I can work at McDonald's for $11.50/hr and life is affordable barely...
What is my incentive to go to college, my parents cover my insurance, cover me when I'm short because I partied too much that week, and my work is stressful but doesn't need school so I'm good...

What are we fostering? We are allowing our next generation to think that minimum wage is good enough...that they don't need education? How can this be good for our next generation? Life isn't about taking the easy way everyday. It's about the constant strength we get from struggles we face everyday. And the struggle of when to flip a burger isn't it.

I do not want to sound like people who are working for minimum wage are stupid and irresponsible. I enjoyed working for low pay because it was money that I needed.

I want to stop the repercussions from raising minimum wage and increasing the prices of everything. I want kids to aim higher and not have to pay for the inflated college prices. (School tuition will be less attractive if we have higher inflation.) It makes unemployment rates higher because of a business being able to have six workers they can only hire three.

Consumers start looking for the cheapest thing because the skilled pay is lagging for the first 6-8 months. We go through a recession because no one wants to loan out money because money will be worth less later due to inflation over time.

Raising minimum wage does nothing. For anyone.