Have you ever read a really good book? The
kind where you become a character in the story. Like you can hear, smell, see,
and touch the surroundings described to you in the pages? What about a romance
novel? Have you been swept off your feet by a brave and daring knight? Or have
you been charmed by that awkward kid in braces who eventually grows into a
handsome man with an equally dazzling personality? Have you been the girl no
one noticed, finally matched with that perfect soul mate who gives you the
ultimate combination of intrigue and comfort?
I have.
In fact, romance novels and romantic
comedies have always been my book or movie of choice. It’s almost impossible to
leave the theater feeling happy after watching a movie like Crazy Stupid Love
or When Harry Met Sally, or even the Notebook. A romantic story is adventurous,
brave, hope-inducing, and almost always has a happy ending… what’s so wrong
with that? I hadn’t given it much thought until I heard this question. “What is
porn for women?” Porn is a great divider in many marriages—and let’s face it—is
predominantly geared towards men. Men are visual creatures, and because of
this, easily fall into the trap of sexy women in a visual fantasy designed for
male pleasure. But what do women get off on? Women are emotional beings. We
desire deeper connections and relationships. We want to care and be cared for.
So the answer to the previous questions is, “The romance novel.” This has been
demonstrated by the astounding popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s not
like EL James is some prodigal author. The only thing the author has done is
play to our culture, and some of our misguided desires.
Our culture views marriage through
distorted lenses. If you disagree with me, please feel free to reference the 40 to 50% divorce rate in the United States. Children are taught the wonders of
marriage from early on. Every single popular princess story involves a beautiful
girl getting married to a prince and living “happily ever after.” Children are
taught that getting married to that one perfect man that will satisfy each of
their longings. We’re told don’t get married young because your twenties are
for being selfish. We’re taught that if it doesn’t work out with someone you
can simply divorce them and look for the new solution (a man) to your problem. What
we should be telling children is that there is no such thing as a “soul mate.”
Each and every one of us is flawed. There
is no way that two flawed people can come together to form a perfect union. It
is impossible. God is the only one who can join a couple in a perfect union.
This means that He is the most important aspect of marriage. When we recognize
we can’t build a “perfect” marriage on our own, it’s much easier to love our
spouses for the people they are, instead of the people we wish they could be,
or the perfect men they could be as depicted by a novel.
When we read a novel, part of it takes hold
in our hearts. We see a man perform a grand gesture, and we think, “Why can’t
my husband do that?” Or we hear of a friend’s husband who always brings home
flowers, and we think, “Hey, some flowers would be nice.” This hurts us and our
marriages. It hurts our future spouses, because they have a fictional character
to live up to, and they don’t even know it.
So put those romance novels down. Because
even though having someone to do dishes with doesn’t sound good on paper, it
makes for a hell of a good life.
