Hey everyone! As you might have noticed, I've started posting on a new website: kelsiestelting.com.
Melting Steltings has been great and will continue to be our own personal forum. Ty and I have been able to connect with family and friends, share our stories, and record our life together. This new website is very much the representation of my new personal and professional journey; one that I started back in August.
This new website will still be us, be about our lives, but it will also be about my new adventure of really taking risks and following dreams. I'll share with you every scary step along the way, and I promise to tell the whole story, not just the highlight reel.
Thanks so much for being a part of this with us! Be sure to go to the new blog and check me out, but stay tuned to this one, especially family and friends, to learn about us and our travels!
Love,
The Steltings
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Monday, March 14, 2016
Mental Illness and Christianity
Every now and then when the topic of mental illness comes up, someone makes the comment that the only reason people can't control their mental illness is because they aren't right with the Lord, or because they need more Jesus in their life.
Well, they're right. Partially.
Everyone needs more Jesus in their life.
But the other part of that statement is so so so so hurtful, and so so so so damaging, and so so so so wrong.
We have this thing in our society where mental illness is not very well understood, and also very stigmatized. Because it's an illness of the mind, our most vital organ, research is hard to do, and every single mental illness is as unique as the person suffering through it.
So here we are. We have this terrible disease, and people are saying that a relationship with Christ is the cure. (And for some people, it's helped them on their path to mental health.) But here are the rest of us Christians, who have a strong relationship with God, pray daily, go to church every Sunday, perform works of mercy, and still. have. mental. illness.
What does that mean? That we don't pray enough? That we don't believe hard enough? That we aren't really Christians?
Absolutely not.
How do you explain Mother Theresa? She was a true servant of God and is on the way to becoming a canonized saint, and she suffered from terrible, terrible depression. A saint!
Say you have a pulled muscle. You have to work and work and work to get it back into full health again, unless it's permanently injured. How ridiculous would it be to tell someone with a broken arm that the reason it's broken is that they're not praying enough? Mental illness is similar. It takes so much work to become mentally healthy, and sometimes, even that work isn't enough in the severest of cases.
My point is, making statements like that, while it may be a testament to your own personal battle with depression, is just harmful to other Christians struggling with mental illness, and unwelcoming to non-Christians. Faith is a safe space, where we know we are loved, welcomed, and promised a better life after this one, not a pill that saves us from all of our earthly suffering.
I'm praying for everyone with mental illness, and I believe in the power of prayer. Let's try to create a safe space, and an educational space to talk about mental illnesses for those that don't understand them/haven't experienced them.
**Disclaimer: This post shares my views, my opinions based on personal experience, and what I've learned from reading about mental illness, and talking with mental health professionals and religious leaders. This isn't me on a soapbox, it's me starting the conversation. What do you have to say? What do you have to learn?
Well, they're right. Partially.
Everyone needs more Jesus in their life.
But the other part of that statement is so so so so hurtful, and so so so so damaging, and so so so so wrong.
We have this thing in our society where mental illness is not very well understood, and also very stigmatized. Because it's an illness of the mind, our most vital organ, research is hard to do, and every single mental illness is as unique as the person suffering through it.
So here we are. We have this terrible disease, and people are saying that a relationship with Christ is the cure. (And for some people, it's helped them on their path to mental health.) But here are the rest of us Christians, who have a strong relationship with God, pray daily, go to church every Sunday, perform works of mercy, and still. have. mental. illness.
What does that mean? That we don't pray enough? That we don't believe hard enough? That we aren't really Christians?
Absolutely not.
How do you explain Mother Theresa? She was a true servant of God and is on the way to becoming a canonized saint, and she suffered from terrible, terrible depression. A saint!
Say you have a pulled muscle. You have to work and work and work to get it back into full health again, unless it's permanently injured. How ridiculous would it be to tell someone with a broken arm that the reason it's broken is that they're not praying enough? Mental illness is similar. It takes so much work to become mentally healthy, and sometimes, even that work isn't enough in the severest of cases.
My point is, making statements like that, while it may be a testament to your own personal battle with depression, is just harmful to other Christians struggling with mental illness, and unwelcoming to non-Christians. Faith is a safe space, where we know we are loved, welcomed, and promised a better life after this one, not a pill that saves us from all of our earthly suffering.
I'm praying for everyone with mental illness, and I believe in the power of prayer. Let's try to create a safe space, and an educational space to talk about mental illnesses for those that don't understand them/haven't experienced them.
The post that tipped me over the edge. I'm glad she's
found a way to cope with her illness, and I don't think
she was trying to be hurtful, but our words are
powerful, and we need to think before we
make generalizations for the entire population
based on anecdotal experience.
I'd really like everyone who reads this blog to check out this post on mental illness titled "5 things Christians should know about depression and anxiety." The title only includes depression and anxiety, but the post covers mental illness in general. It's definitely worth the read.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know it's hard to talk about mental illness. Either you've never experienced it, so it's this big scary giant you have no idea how to approach, your you're dealing with it now and it hurts to think about it more than you already do, or you've seen a loved one suffer through it with no idea how to help... becoming more informed helps. Becoming more understanding helps. And, ultimately, becoming more loving helps.
**Disclaimer: This post shares my views, my opinions based on personal experience, and what I've learned from reading about mental illness, and talking with mental health professionals and religious leaders. This isn't me on a soapbox, it's me starting the conversation. What do you have to say? What do you have to learn?
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
The Horror Story
I sent out four copies of my book to my second set of beta readers. After sending out my first novella to beta readers, I received positive feedback from those that finished reading it. Still, every time I hit "publish" on a blog post, or pay for the postage to mail the book out, I am absolutely terrified.
It's like being a musician that has stage-fright.
I want to write, my whole being wants to write. I don't want to write something that no one will ever read; I want to have an impact. But I also care way too much about what other people think.
When I'm done writing and ready to send it out, doubts flood my mind. I wonder if I'm good enough--if I actually have talent or if that's just some idea I picked up somewhere. I wonder if my stories good. I wonder if I remembered my grammar lessons right from high school, and I worry that someone will judge me based on my fictional characters.
Blah. Blah. Blah. People post stuff every day. As if posting a blog is any scarier than sharing a long status update or reading an English paper in class, or reading a report at work. I guess it is, because, to a certain extent, I am my writing. It comes directly from me. This is what I put my heart, soul, and time into. This is what I've taken risks on.
I guess it's all a waiting game. Writing something. Having someone like it, dislike it... and then doing it all over again. But I wonder if it will ever stop being scary.
It's like being a musician that has stage-fright.
I want to write, my whole being wants to write. I don't want to write something that no one will ever read; I want to have an impact. But I also care way too much about what other people think.
When I'm done writing and ready to send it out, doubts flood my mind. I wonder if I'm good enough--if I actually have talent or if that's just some idea I picked up somewhere. I wonder if my stories good. I wonder if I remembered my grammar lessons right from high school, and I worry that someone will judge me based on my fictional characters.
Blah. Blah. Blah. People post stuff every day. As if posting a blog is any scarier than sharing a long status update or reading an English paper in class, or reading a report at work. I guess it is, because, to a certain extent, I am my writing. It comes directly from me. This is what I put my heart, soul, and time into. This is what I've taken risks on.
I guess it's all a waiting game. Writing something. Having someone like it, dislike it... and then doing it all over again. But I wonder if it will ever stop being scary.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
The Re-brand
One of my first classes as a graduate students is "New Media/Social Media Tools" and one of our first projects has been creating a social media "plan" and developing a personal "brand." Brand is basically communications-speak for reputation, and in communications, it's okay to care about reputations.
Creating and examining your personal brand is hard work. Our teacher has asked us to create a social media presence that is a self-portrait, and for someone who just puts whatever on the internet (like myself) it's hard to narrow down what I want my own brand to be.
Personally, I think "brand" is a funny way to describe what we're doing. Growing up around cattle, I associate brand with permanent ownership, but in communications, it can be fluid, it can be changed.
Over the past several months, unintentionally, I've been changing my brand by changing myself. I used to be so concerned with the should's in my life. Should I get straigh A's, should I go to grad school, I should do this career, I shouldn't do that career. Blah blah blah. To quote Sex and the City, I was should-ing all over myself.
So while all of this very painful personal transformation was occurring, this very palpable brand-change was occurring. I was shifting from someone who just wrote about awesome things, to someone who wrote about real things, painful things, deep things. I started sharing my thoughts, and not all of them were pretty. But they were real, and that was the most important thing.
But I think one of the biggest changes, has been in my career-life. This may sound silly, but as an academically gifted person, I feel an extreme moral obligation to do something with those gifts... like cure cancer, or do the next moon landing, or stop world hunger, or something huge. I still feel that...
After what happened to my brother, I was seriously considering going back to Vanderbilt so I could be a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. There is a huge need for mental health providers. (For example, I went to my school's counseling center to get some help sifting through all of this, and there was a three week waiting period before I could even get in for a consultation.) So, I called Ty and told him I was thinking about it, and he told me he would support me no matter what--like the amazing husband he is.
An hour later, I'm on my computer, and I get this message from Meghann. She was a senior when I was in eighth grade, and even though I always thought she was/is a wonderful person who's doing amazing things, we've always just been acquaintances. But anyway, I get this message from Meghann, and she says she was compelled to message me. She goes on to write this fantastic message about how she enjoys my writing, and how she thinks my style is similar to John Greene's.
(Sidenote: When I worked in data entry, I had to listen to Ted Talks to get me through the day. I had inspiration post-it notes all over my cubicle, and one of them said "John Greene's first job was as a typist.")
She also sent me a link to an article about choosing "should" or "must." Her message and the article brought me to tears. The article had a quote in it by Ralph Waldo Emerson (who my grandpa was named after).
I messaged her back and told her how much her message meant to me, and she told me to keep writing, and keep the faith.
Keep writing and keep the faith.
Isn't God's timing just perfect?
Only an hour after I suggested to Ty that I go back to nursing and give up on my communications degree, I get this message from a long-lost friend who felt "compelled" to reach out to me, telling me to keep writing.
I think this post veered a tiny bit off topic, but I promise I'm making a point (or two or three or four).
1) I'm pursing my writing, and that's why you're reading all of these blogs/posts/tweets/pics about my writing. I'm trying to give this a real shot as a career.
2) I'm being honest. I've made a promise to myself to talk about the things that people don't talk about. The ugly things. The things that aren't good enough to make the Facebook timeline. In short, the things that we need to talk about.
3) Words are powerful. Meghann's message very possibly changed the course of my life, and I am so grateful to her for that.
4) This is my brand... for now.
Creating and examining your personal brand is hard work. Our teacher has asked us to create a social media presence that is a self-portrait, and for someone who just puts whatever on the internet (like myself) it's hard to narrow down what I want my own brand to be.
Personally, I think "brand" is a funny way to describe what we're doing. Growing up around cattle, I associate brand with permanent ownership, but in communications, it can be fluid, it can be changed.
Over the past several months, unintentionally, I've been changing my brand by changing myself. I used to be so concerned with the should's in my life. Should I get straigh A's, should I go to grad school, I should do this career, I shouldn't do that career. Blah blah blah. To quote Sex and the City, I was should-ing all over myself.
So while all of this very painful personal transformation was occurring, this very palpable brand-change was occurring. I was shifting from someone who just wrote about awesome things, to someone who wrote about real things, painful things, deep things. I started sharing my thoughts, and not all of them were pretty. But they were real, and that was the most important thing.
But I think one of the biggest changes, has been in my career-life. This may sound silly, but as an academically gifted person, I feel an extreme moral obligation to do something with those gifts... like cure cancer, or do the next moon landing, or stop world hunger, or something huge. I still feel that...
After what happened to my brother, I was seriously considering going back to Vanderbilt so I could be a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. There is a huge need for mental health providers. (For example, I went to my school's counseling center to get some help sifting through all of this, and there was a three week waiting period before I could even get in for a consultation.) So, I called Ty and told him I was thinking about it, and he told me he would support me no matter what--like the amazing husband he is.
An hour later, I'm on my computer, and I get this message from Meghann. She was a senior when I was in eighth grade, and even though I always thought she was/is a wonderful person who's doing amazing things, we've always just been acquaintances. But anyway, I get this message from Meghann, and she says she was compelled to message me. She goes on to write this fantastic message about how she enjoys my writing, and how she thinks my style is similar to John Greene's.
(Sidenote: When I worked in data entry, I had to listen to Ted Talks to get me through the day. I had inspiration post-it notes all over my cubicle, and one of them said "John Greene's first job was as a typist.")
She also sent me a link to an article about choosing "should" or "must." Her message and the article brought me to tears. The article had a quote in it by Ralph Waldo Emerson (who my grandpa was named after).
I messaged her back and told her how much her message meant to me, and she told me to keep writing, and keep the faith.
Keep writing and keep the faith.
Isn't God's timing just perfect?
Only an hour after I suggested to Ty that I go back to nursing and give up on my communications degree, I get this message from a long-lost friend who felt "compelled" to reach out to me, telling me to keep writing.
I think this post veered a tiny bit off topic, but I promise I'm making a point (or two or three or four).
1) I'm pursing my writing, and that's why you're reading all of these blogs/posts/tweets/pics about my writing. I'm trying to give this a real shot as a career.
2) I'm being honest. I've made a promise to myself to talk about the things that people don't talk about. The ugly things. The things that aren't good enough to make the Facebook timeline. In short, the things that we need to talk about.
3) Words are powerful. Meghann's message very possibly changed the course of my life, and I am so grateful to her for that.
4) This is my brand... for now.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
11 ways adulthood breaks your heart
I remember my first high school love. He was handsome (at least, I thought so at the time). He was intriguing--I wanted to know everything there was to know about him. He was athletic, funny, friendly, and most of all, he was "mine."
And then he wasn't.
My heart was broken. I didn't know there could be a pain so bad. It made me question every text I sent him, every second I spent on him, and everything about myself. Why wasn't I enough? Why didn't he like me? Why weren't we together? And I thought that heartbreak would be one of the most painful things I might experience in my life.
I just didn't understand that there were more types of heartbreak more painful than a high school romance.
As I've grown older, time has exposed me to all sorts of tragedies, and I've learned that a broken heart doesn't just refer to romantic love.
1) Drifting away from a friend. One day, something will happen, and you'll want to call a friend, and you'll realize that the person you want to call isn't really a friend anymore. It hurts.
2) Feeling rejected. Someone doesn't like you. Someone doesn't want to be with you. Someone doesn't like that project you put your heart and soul into. It makes even the most confident person question their self-worth.
3) Failure. That project you put your heart and soul into? It tanked. For whatever reason, it isn't good enough, and it hurts. It makes you question everything about your talents, interests, and work ethic.
4) Disappointment. Chances are you had a hero. Someone you looked up to, trusted, and idealized. What happened when you realized your hero was also a villain? We never stop having heroes as we grow older, and it hurts just as much when your adult heroes let you down.
5) Lies. Okay, lies have been around forever. (Remember that time you lied to your mom and told her you did NOT sneak an ice cream cone from the freezer?... okay, maybe that was just me.) Remember when lies started having stakes attached. You start to question who you can trust, and it breaks your heart when someone you thought you could trust lies to you. Lies you tell can also hurt... have you ever told someone you're okay when you're not?
6) Death. Death doesn't hurt the same way when you're older. You've most likely known the person longer than the people you lost when you were younger. Maybe you lose your rock: your best friend, grandparent, parent, or spouse. As a child, things were taken care of, as an adult, you have so much else to worry about in addition to the loss of a loved one.
7) Romantic Relationship Issues. Are you married and you want not to be? Are you single and want not to be? Again, the stakes are higher. Marriage is a covenant with God, which is one of the weightiest, most expectation-ridden decisions we can make as humans. I've been married for only three years, and already I can attest to the fact that marriage is so much different than my childhood expectations, and that can be heartbreaking.
8) Starting a family. Even though I'm not there yet, there was a time when Ty and I honestly thought that we would not be able to have children. Heartbreaking. I can't imagine the pain that women and men go through with infertility, miscarriage, failed adoptions, disabilities, and so much other heartbreak that comes with starting a family.
9) Children. I haven't had children yet, but I've seen (in real life and on television--that's valid, right?) how much pain can come with that life experience.
10) Losing a spouse. This is a category all on its own, separate from "death." When a couple marries, they become "one flesh." Losing a spouse is literally losing part of yourself. My thoughts, prayers, love, and sympathy are with anyone experiencing this.
11) Chronic disease. There's a unique pain someone experiences when their own body isn't a safe place anymore. I've seen people suffer though this, and that's been heartbreaking, but I can even imagine going through it myself.
There are so many heartbreaks I haven't experienced yet, and I'm absolutely terrified to see how heartbreak will change as I get older. I can only hope that as heartbreak intensifies, so does my strength, faith, and understanding of the world around me; that I'm getting stronger with the pain.
And then he wasn't.
My heart was broken. I didn't know there could be a pain so bad. It made me question every text I sent him, every second I spent on him, and everything about myself. Why wasn't I enough? Why didn't he like me? Why weren't we together? And I thought that heartbreak would be one of the most painful things I might experience in my life.
I just didn't understand that there were more types of heartbreak more painful than a high school romance.
As I've grown older, time has exposed me to all sorts of tragedies, and I've learned that a broken heart doesn't just refer to romantic love.
1) Drifting away from a friend. One day, something will happen, and you'll want to call a friend, and you'll realize that the person you want to call isn't really a friend anymore. It hurts.
2) Feeling rejected. Someone doesn't like you. Someone doesn't want to be with you. Someone doesn't like that project you put your heart and soul into. It makes even the most confident person question their self-worth.
3) Failure. That project you put your heart and soul into? It tanked. For whatever reason, it isn't good enough, and it hurts. It makes you question everything about your talents, interests, and work ethic.
4) Disappointment. Chances are you had a hero. Someone you looked up to, trusted, and idealized. What happened when you realized your hero was also a villain? We never stop having heroes as we grow older, and it hurts just as much when your adult heroes let you down.
5) Lies. Okay, lies have been around forever. (Remember that time you lied to your mom and told her you did NOT sneak an ice cream cone from the freezer?... okay, maybe that was just me.) Remember when lies started having stakes attached. You start to question who you can trust, and it breaks your heart when someone you thought you could trust lies to you. Lies you tell can also hurt... have you ever told someone you're okay when you're not?
6) Death. Death doesn't hurt the same way when you're older. You've most likely known the person longer than the people you lost when you were younger. Maybe you lose your rock: your best friend, grandparent, parent, or spouse. As a child, things were taken care of, as an adult, you have so much else to worry about in addition to the loss of a loved one.
7) Romantic Relationship Issues. Are you married and you want not to be? Are you single and want not to be? Again, the stakes are higher. Marriage is a covenant with God, which is one of the weightiest, most expectation-ridden decisions we can make as humans. I've been married for only three years, and already I can attest to the fact that marriage is so much different than my childhood expectations, and that can be heartbreaking.
8) Starting a family. Even though I'm not there yet, there was a time when Ty and I honestly thought that we would not be able to have children. Heartbreaking. I can't imagine the pain that women and men go through with infertility, miscarriage, failed adoptions, disabilities, and so much other heartbreak that comes with starting a family.
9) Children. I haven't had children yet, but I've seen (in real life and on television--that's valid, right?) how much pain can come with that life experience.
10) Losing a spouse. This is a category all on its own, separate from "death." When a couple marries, they become "one flesh." Losing a spouse is literally losing part of yourself. My thoughts, prayers, love, and sympathy are with anyone experiencing this.
11) Chronic disease. There's a unique pain someone experiences when their own body isn't a safe place anymore. I've seen people suffer though this, and that's been heartbreaking, but I can even imagine going through it myself.
There are so many heartbreaks I haven't experienced yet, and I'm absolutely terrified to see how heartbreak will change as I get older. I can only hope that as heartbreak intensifies, so does my strength, faith, and understanding of the world around me; that I'm getting stronger with the pain.
If you liked this post, you might like these too:
Friday, February 19, 2016
5 ways life changes after a personal disaster
Life is constantly changing. Sometimes the changes happen so slowly that we can't even notice them until we look back months or even years down the road. But sometimes the entire world shifts around us. Something terrible happens that brings our worst fears to fruition and makes us confront the deepest darkness of human existence. Not only does our world change; we change.
1) Priorities
Things that used to seem so important now seem so trivial. We wonder why we ever even wasted our time thinking of those things... but secretly wish we could return to a time when those fickle thoughts were our biggest worries.
2) Faith
Disaster changes our faith in one of two ways: it can bring us closer to God, or cause us to distance ourselves from Him, and I think that depends largely on the outcome of the disaster. We can thank God for his intervention, his persistent strength, his overwhelming love, or we can question Him. We ask "What kind of a God would let such terrible things occur?" or "Why me?" or simply "Why?"
3) Finances
Finances are definitely a necessary evil. Medical disasters or natural disasters incur almost insurmountable costs, especially at a time when the last thing we should be thinking about is money.
4) Relationships with others
Hard times can bring us together or make us withdraw into ourselves. Big family fights? Bound to happen. Stronger bonds formed? Definitely. Our relationships are built by standing by each other day by day and learning who's going to be there and who's not. We learn who are our true friends and who are only there for fair weather.
5) Relationships with ourselves
One word: Regrets. The most important relationship a person can have with a human being is with him/herself, but disasters wreak havoc on mental health. We wonder what we could have done better, who we should have treated more kindly, words we wish we wouldn't have said, trips we wish we would have made, things we should have prioritized, things we thought were important but weren't and so on. My gram always said, "We live in our minds." Disaster can make the mind a scary place to be.
To be honest, disaster changes everything, but our lives are small stories woven within the bigger story of time. Disaster is one part of a story, and the best, most impactful stories deal with disaster. Romeo and Juliet died, Simba lost his father, Cinderella was a servant to her stepmother, Marlin lost his wife, Nemo had a disability, and Jesus (the greatest story of all) suffered on the cross... but the important thing to remember is that He rose again.
Disasters might happen in a second, but they change us forever... hopefully for the better.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
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